You’re sitting with school friends at a coffee shop, chatting away about the past, present and future, when all of a sudden you feel a sense of sadness and despair. The uninvited feelings cause confusion and exclusion from the rest of the group, followed by insecurity, disappointment and the need to escape the gathering. Could some of these thoughts be “I have achieved nothing in life”, “Everyone is married with children” “I am still single” “I am struggling with my career” “They are successful and happy” “Their lives are perfect” “I have nothing”. I call these thoughts Venomous Bites.

When a person gets bitten by a snake, the venom gradually will spread throughout their body, unless given an antidote. If not given the proper attention, it can incapacitate them, with death being their eventual faith.

The professional term, according to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), is Negative Automatic Thoughts (NAT). These are involuntary thoughts that infiltrate your mind and trigger Anxiety, Depression, low self-esteem and many other mental health disorders, resulting in maladaptive behaviour in one’s social life, work life, family life and health.

Once you understand and visualize these toxic thoughts, with the guidance of professionals, two main points will be established. The first one will be that somewhere in the past a core belief due to an experience got formed leading to the NAT. The second and the most important, that it can be replaced with healthier thoughts (antidote) and that ninety percent of the focus should be on the current issue at hand.

This is how you can turn anything into a pleasant evening rather than roller coaster ride of emotions, remembering that it is you who can make it happen, the ball is in your court. The first step is to identify the unhelpful thought and question it, are you being fair to yourself?

For example,
“I have achieved nothing in life” changes to “I just received my PhD and so proud of it”
“I have nothing” changes to “I have good health, good friends, good family, house to live and a bed to sleep”

In conclusion, the game is challenging but make it fun, difficult but not impossible. The key is in fighting the poison, so that you may enjoy a lovely evening with your friends and that delicious cup of coffee.