Some people will report not liking to follow rules and will see the challenge in knowing how far they can push before the other person pushes back. All systems have rules and guidelines of what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable; in much the same way, individuals have rules for themselves that they may not articulate but feel the most comfortable operating within. What is appropriate for one person or setting will be different for another person and setting.

A boundary is the outmost limit of what separates you from others. Knowing what your boundaries are and being able to articulate them takes a level of self-awareness and strength that some people do not have until they are given permission to express these rules for themselves. We have the right to have rules for ourselves, to express these rules, and communicate these rules with others with whom we interact. For example, people have proximity rules of how close they can be to friends, family, and strangers, with closer distance being allowed for others who we feel closer to.  When these rules are broken, we get uncomfortable. Once you know what your boundary is, you need to be able to convey this to another person. Being clear and explicit is the only way to express a boundary.

For example, I am uncomfortable with others touching me. I would appreciate you speaking to me without putting your hand on my shoulder.

Some people have fluid boundaries that allow others to take advantage of them, while others have such strict boundaries that can make them seem impenetrable and awkward in social situations. Both extremes can be problematic. The boundary you set can be setting or situational specific and person dependent, such that we can be close to a friend at home but prefer distance at work. Establishing healthy boundaries for ourselves and how we want to be treated communicates that we respect what we want and can communicate this to others with whom we interact: whether it be a spouse, child, employer, friend, or stranger.

Setting boundaries will help you :

• increase your self-esteem
• have more meaningful relationships
• become more confident

and will help others:

• respect you
• know what to expect from you
• know how to treat you

If you find that you need help establishing comfortable boundaries, contact me or a member of our team at Nafsology Psychology Center.